(The members discuss the disaster at last year's Nativity Play and then move on to the contributions they have written.)

Rawdon In the interests of time - I have to host dinner with the Archdeacon in precisely one hour - I shall ignore that scurrilous remark and move on. Each of you was given a task to prepare for this meeting. The script in rhyming couplets for the leading players in the Nativity scene, so let's see how you all got on. Arnold - Joseph...

Arnold (stands and delivers dramatically)
'Goodness gracious, dearie me, what a ghastly trip.
I think we'd better sit down here and rest my dicky hip.'

(there is applause from the others – less Rawdon. He sits)

Rawdon Oh, dear Lord. I might have guessed.

Lucy I think that was jolly good. Well done, Arnold.

Rawdon (looking around, dismayed) Whilst Joseph's booking into the NHS for a hip replacement, what's Mary doing, Lucy? Having her hair permed?

Arnold I've got lot's more...

Rawdon Shut up, Arnold. Well, Lucy?

Lucy (stands - proudly)
'How amazing, how divine, we've got a little child.
Take a gander, Joe old boy, he looks so meek and mild.
We mustn't be surprised that we are now his Dad and Mum,
'Cos God has given him to us, his only begotten son.'

(more applause. She sits)

Joan Som. It'll have to be som to rhyme with mum. (silence) But I think it's really good. (she claps enthusiastically)

Rawdon I cannot believe this is happening. And yet I should have guessed.

Arnold It is good, isn't it? It took me most of the last week to do my bit.

Lucy And me. I've only knitted three jumpers all week. Writing, writing, writing.

Joan And me. (she stands -over sweetly)
'I am the baby Jesus
With the most beautiful face in the world.
I 'spect I'll have a lovely life
Because I'm the Son of God and He is
omnipotent.'

(silence)

'I'm warm inside my swaddling clothes,
Good gracious what is that?
A big round ring of very bright light,
Hello halo, hello, hello.'

(silence)

'I think I'll sit up for a while ...'

Rawdon Joan, if you read out one more line of that utter, unrhyming rubbish I shall re-enact the murder of Thomas Becket on the chancel steps - and willingly take the consequences.

(Joan subsides sobbing. Lucy comforts her)

Bob The four Wise Men enter. Melchior, Caspar, Balthazar and Fred...

Arnold (writing carefully) ...Balthazar and Fred?

Rawdon (stopping Arnold writing) Fred?

Bob (dramatically) Melchior: 'We're the four Wise Men,
Wondering when,
We can go home again,'
Caspar: I'm missing my wife, Gwen,
She's...

Rawdon Will you please STOP. Never in my life...

Lucy Why four, dear?

Bob Everything's four nowadays. The Beatles...

Arnold The Boom Town Rats...

Joan The Spice Girls...

Lucy Abba. (stands & sings) 'Thank you for the music.'

Lucy & Arnold (stand) 'The songs I sing you.'

plus Bob (stands) 'Thanks for all the joys they bring you.'

plus Joan (stands) 'Who can live without it ...'

(they've all now joined hands and are swaying to the music when they see the arrival of Marjorie Fry (theVicar) and John Roberts (the Archdeacon) who sway to the music and join in as the others dry up)

Marjorie & John 'I ask in all honesty,
What would life be,

(others join in) 'Without a song or a dance what are we?

plus Rawdon(stands & joins in reluctantly)

'So I say thank you for the music,
For giving it to me.'

Rawdon (on own) Amen. Venerable and Reverend, what a surprise - er - delightful, of course. Should you wish to meet here we can, of course, vacate...

John Good Lord, no. Certainly not. Marjorie said that you'd be here writing this year's Nativity Play, so we thought we'd pop in and see how it's going.

Marjorie (quickly) And then pop out again pretty quickly.